Hi, It’s Me!

I’m the problem it’s me… but seriously, it is me. My indecisiveness, my lack of consistency or belief in myself that yes, I can write a blog and no, it won’t be “too boring”. Okay maybe it will be boring to some at times but trial and error right?! So here I am, blogging! At least I think thats what they call writings written by a non-writer just trying to rediscover her mama of two identity… LOL

Here’s the thing, after becoming a mom to my oldest son, there was a shift in identity (which I fought at first) from being ME to being seen as a mom with no free time. A mom who spends their time with this other little person I *mostly* enjoyed hanging out with. As he got older and needed less from me, I found more time freedom (thank you daycare!) and energy to get back to myself. More running/skiing/mountain biking/traveling, more time with friends, more time creating and being the active mom I always saw myself as. He taught me to slow down while also making him a part of our lives rather than fit ourselves into his (advice our real estate agent gave us when we told him we were pregnant and was advice we have held onto adjusting into parenthood).

Swipe forward to baby #2… our sunny, smiley angel baby. A girl! I could squeeze her cheeks all day long. Friends told us “just wait until two kids… it’s so hard” and we naively replied with “Oh it’ll be hard but great!” trying to stay optimistic. Turns out, what they meant to say, is that “two kids is the hardest thing you’ll ever do…!”

Two kids. Two little lives with constant needs. Double the smiles, hugs and giggles… and double the tears, tantrums and time. The loss of identity in US (my husband and I) has been the hardest part of this last year AND we have a LOT of help. Granted, only one of our kids is in full time care thanks to year long waitlists and daycare floods (a story for another time) but the constant parenting is THE biggest adjustment.

With one kid, you get free time during naps (even if only 30 minutes…). Bedtime is typically quicker. Asking someone to watch one is relatively simple. Quick mountain bike day dates or Friday night dinners out are attainable. Only ONE kiddo is yelling for food or attention or help wiping their butt… 🙂

*Insert two kiddos* and the nap times don’t line up, bedtime is doubled and you no longer see your first without “swapping” with your partner, a double drop off for family to watch seems like too much and EVERYONE IS YELLING. The toddler needs more yellow cheese (NOT white) cut into squares please, the baby is ready for a bottle (warm not cold), my husband doesn’t know where the lactose free milk is and I…. am tired.

Needless to say, almost 10 months in, we have found a bit of a groove and while there are hard moments, the sweet ones truly do make it worth it. Yet, I find myself in another identity shift from “active, got my routine down mom” who is also the same Katrina she has always been… to mama of two with little time for activities and creative ventures I crave. Let alone any spontaneous free time with my husband who is also my bestie.

With pumping coming to an end and my work schedule slightly changing, I am finding myself two thirds towards the tunnel light… I can almost taste the increase in time freedom. I find myself digging into my soul for what makes me “me”. What do I miss the most? How do I want to spend my morning pump time? Should I run, blog or sip my coffee and think? If we get a free couple of hours without kids, do we want to sit at dinner catching up or reconnect by doing sports we both love? Do I need a nap when both kids nap at the same time? What do I want for our lives in 5 years?? (because in the “thick of it”, thinking more than one day ahead is literally impossible….)

So here we are. I’m blogging. I’m working out more. I’m reading for fun. I’m giving myself space to just be and to try new things. Will it all stick?? No clue! I hear life gets crazier when kids start playing sports and attending school things… it honestly gives me anxiety thinking about our oldest going to kindergarten in just TWO years because wow, that’s wild and wow, we will be on a school schedule! But that is also a conversation for a future me.

As I wrap this (much too long) first blog post up on my ferry ride to work, I’m just here to say that parenting is hard. Two kids has been by far a harder adjustment than one (but every couple and family is different). I have some processing to do in regards to becoming a mom and pulling out the pieces of myself that have been tucked away for a few years. I “was quite the journaler” per my mom so I guess I would always find my way back here, to writing down thoughts, in hopes someone else might relate. And if you don’t, that’s cool too and thanks for saying “hey” 🙂

Stay tuned for the “how to’s” and “favorite things” or “5 ways to…” blog posts as I do hope to provide tips, education and fun finds throughout this journey. For now, cheers to doing it all a little at a time and to finding ourselves again in every new season.

With a little NW attitude,

Katrina